Echoes
by Random-Intermission
Summary: 'I left a note for Jesse on the end of her bed. It simply said 'I am so stupid.' I left all of my things behind and quickly left the room. I was on a Potter Hunt.' What starts as an apology blossoms into an unlikely friendship as Lily Evans come to recognise the truth that she's been avoiding all these years.
1. Chapter 1

Lily

What can I say about James Potter? He thinks he's the greatest thing that ever walked that planet. Not that he's ever done anything notable or worth praise, he just thinks he's amazing. And why does he think that? Oh I don't know. It's not like he lead an expedition to Mars and begun colonization on all the outer planets when he was a child. No, nothing like that. He just arrived at Hogwarts in first year thinking he was fan-freaking-tastic.

And sometimes he comes out with the stupidest things. Once I asked him how he could walk around with his head held so high all the time like nothing could touch him. And you know what he said? 'Because I know that I've done the greatest thing a man can do. I fell in love.' Sometimes he just says things like that and you have to stop and think for a second, did James Potter just actually say that? And then he'll go straight ahead and abuse my bewilderment by getting close enough to kiss me while I'm distracted. That's when you can be sure that James Potter actually said that.

And yet although he's a complete dufus sometimes and we've had our rough patches, rough being the understatement of the century, I still managed to work out that I loved him. And I know that sounds stupid, how topsy turvy would the world have to have been for Lily Evans to stop hating James Potter, but just hear me out for a sec. Maybe when I'm done you'll understand how wrong I was.

Either that or you'll think I'm insane.

Maybe a bit of both.

'I hate him. I swear to God, I hate him.' I was close to hyperventilating I was so mad. The walls of the corridors appeared red as I stormed through them, frightening first years as I went.

'Calm down, Lily. They were just a few flowers.' One of my best friends Jesse struggled to keep pace beside me as I strode as far away from the Gryffindor corridor as I could. She gestured non-chalauntly as she spoke, clearly not seeing why I was so angry.

'Just a few? Just a few? The entire dorm was filled with them! I couldn't even see the floor, Jess! And then he was waiting when I came down. Eugh! I cannot stand this anymore. I can't. I quit!' I threw my hands up in the air in frustration.

Let's just get this straight. I hate Valentines' Day. With a passion. And not for the reasons you might think. The people who normally hate this oh so joyous of holidays have silly reasons like the fact that they're always alone or that it's not a real holiday or they have to spend money. And honestly, I didn't actually hate it before I came to Hogwarts. Before I met one James Potter. Since then this day has been nothing but an absolute pain. First year it was dying the lake red and spelling my name in, you guessed it, water lilies. Second year my text books sung love songs or recited poems every time I opened them. Third year it was singing animals following me around. Fourth year, heart shaped chocolates rained from the ceiling. Fifth year I got a love note delivered to me by every single owl in the owlery. Sixth year I think he ran out of ideas and merely followed me around in a suit of armor offering me rides to my classes on his white horse. After sixth year I expected it all to stop. I thought maybe the yelling I gave him would have dissuaded him from trying again. And up until ten minutes ago I was sure that I was freed of the Valentines' Day torment. That was until I walked into the Seventh Year Girls Dorm to find the entire room filled to the brim with roses. Roses of all colors too. Yellow for friendship. White for innocence and purity. Pink for adoration. Purple for enchantment. Orange for passion. And lastly red for love. That's what the cards said at least. And then when I tried to escape the suffocating aroma of the thorned flowers I go down the stairs to see none other than James Potter grinning at me. Grinning. Imagine the nerve of that boy. To almost crush me under the weight of a million or so flowers that I don't even know how he got up there, by the way, and then to stand there grinning like it was the greatest thing a person could do. So naturally I stormed off.

I know it seems a little harsh but what was I supposed to do?

'You should have at least stayed to hear the poem he wrote you. It was so sweet. He was so proud of it. He was showing it off to everyone. It was kind of cute, Lily.' That was the only problem with Jess. She was the best friend I'd ever had but she was a hopeless romantic. Not that she'd ever tell her guy friends that but she shows that side to me all the time. And that, in and of itself, isn't a problem. But she seems to think, along with almost everyone in the entire world except me, that Potter and I belong together. She falls for his gambit as much as everyone else does.

'Why don't you marry him then? I'm sure the two of you would be perfectly happy together. You could write each other sappy poems and show each other off to your friends like poodles. It'd be great.' I couldn't help but dip my statement in sardon before delivering it to her. I just couldn't stand it when people got all gooey over Potter's act.

'You know very well why. Besides, you'd get jealous.' She replied with a wink, leaving me to scowl at her as she turned away. 'I've got to get to Runes now, babe. See you.' She chuckled slightly as she walked off in the opposite direction to my Potions class.

I did know very well why she wouldn't even consider Potter as a possible partner. It was all because of damn Sirius. It always comes back to the Marauders doesn't it. They're like magnets for trouble. She and Sirius had known each other since they were kids. I don't even know how they managed it. What with her being a muggle born and all. I never really knew the whole story of how they hid their friendship from his parents but they found ways. And he loved her. Boy did he ever. Completely platonically of course. But then things got all kinds of messy. And I honestly didn't quite understand it all really.

Sometimes I wished though that things between her and Sirius weren't so complicated so she could convince Potter to fall for her and then I would get some peace and quiet. No such luck there yet.

I was so busy plotting to help Jess get over Sirius and to put moves on Potter that I, quite literally, walked into the man of the hour, Potter himself. I hit his chest head on and bounced back a little. A little too much maybe. I could feel myself stumbling backward when his strong arms wrapped around my waist to stop me from falling.

What? I can call him strong if I want. He is. It's merely an objective observation.

I was saved from toppling to the ground but my books weren't as fortunate. My text and exercise books all fell to the floor, scattering papers all about the corridor. Potter bent down and started helping me to collect them all. Something was up. He was moving slowly and he wouldn't look at me. He just wasn't acting like Potter. Once he'd picked up all that he could he handed them to me, the usual glint in his eye seemed to have been smote, and smiled weakly.

'I, urhm, I took the liberty of removing the flowers from your room for you. They won't bother you again.' He looked straight at me but something seemed to be missing. Something important and Potter-some about him was gone.

'Thanks, I guess.' I half whispered, not knowing quite what to say.

He stood up and walked off without another word. It was then I realized that he was supposed to be in Potions with me but he was still walking away.

'James!' I called after him but there was no response. He turned the corner at the end of the hall and was gone.

I walked into the classroom and sat in my usual seat. The seat he normally occupied next to me, his perfect vantage point for annoying me, remained empty. I welcomed the change of pace at first. It was nice. I could use up the whole desk to take notes. I didn't have to be constantly supervising to make sure a certain someone didn't cut his finger off by accident. Again. But halfway through the lesson I felt this strange sense of disappointment. I realized I hadn't laughed the whole session. I always laughed when Potter was there. Whether I was laughing at him or with him it didn't really matter. I shook my head to clear myself of the momentary insanity.

And then I heard something just over the bubbling of cauldrons that made my heart sink. Lupin and Black talking behind me about James' display this morning. Or rather, my display.

'Oh man, you weren't there to see his face though, Moons. He was so disappointed. He thought he finally had it pegged. He thought he had her for sure. But typical Evans, he tries to give her everything he's got in him and she cuts him down. Do you know how many girls would kill for that? I mean, even Jess was saying how sweet it was. Jess! Remind me to put that one in the play book for when the time is right.' Sirius obviously didn't know I could hear him. Or maybe he did and was trying to make me feel guilty. Either way it was working.

'I saw him afterwards. He looked dead. I think he's given up this time. I really do. He always said this year was his last shot and he didn't know what he'd do if he blew it.' Lupin was somewhere between sympathetic and grateful when he mentioned giving up.

'I don't know. He's a persistent bugger, our Prongsie. He'll pull through. I'll go check in the room later, see if he's hiding out there. If not I might hang out there for a little bit.' Sirius seemed completely unphased by what Lupin was suggesting.

I couldn't really stand to hear much more of what they had to say, if there was anything more at all, so I packed up my things, told the professor I was going to the infirmary and left.

When I returned to my dorm, after fabricating ailments to madam Pomfrey, the room was indeed bare and flowerless. Not that I'd expected otherwise but I was shocked that Potter had told the truth. Potter. My thoughts turned to everything that Remus and Sirius had said. And to his face in the corridor. And then I realized that I didn't even look at him this morning before I stormed off. I felt terrible. How could I be that mean to another human being? I guess I'd just never seen him as anything else but Potter. And no matter how many times I'd turned him down or insulted him he'd never seemed even minutely phased. Until now. He'd acted like it was all some big joke. And maybe in turn I thought that too. He acted like he was impervious. And maybe I thought he was.

I needed to go find him. I needed to explain. I needed to say I was sorry for hurting him. I needed to say I was sorry for never having said sorry before.

_Wait. Apologize? To James Potter? Are you nuts? No. Stop. Pause. Halt. Desist. He'll get way to much enjoyment out of this. Don't give him the satisfaction._

Shut up, Pride. I'm leaving.

I left a note for Jesse on the end of her bed. It simply said 'I am so stupid.'

I left all of my things behind and quickly left the room. I was on a Potter Hunt.


	2. Chapter 2

As I walked down the stairs to the common room I made a mental list of places he might be. Common Room, Kitchen, Great Hall, Library (He's Remus' best friend he has to at least know where the library is), the lake, and of course the boys dorm (although admittedly I really did not want to have to venture there).

When I reached the common room it was quite obvious, judging by the complete lack of noise, that he definitely wasn't there. I looked up towards the boy's staircase and shook my head. I definitely was not going up there until I absolutely had to. I left through the portrait hole with a quick glance behind me. I decided to skip the great hall because classes were still in session and without food the hall had little to no appeal.

I reached the kitchens quicker than I thought I would, tickled the pear and entered quietly. I didn't particularly want the house elves to notice I was there and try to send me home with arms full of food and still no clues to the whereabouts of my frenimy but I needed to know if they'd seen him. I caught the attention of a particularly short house elf who waddled up to me eagerly.

'Miss. Oh Miss, is there anything Tilly can get you? Anything at all, miss?' She said excitedly.

'No thank you, Tilly. I'm looking for a friend of mine, James Potter, have you seen him today?' It felt a little strange calling Potter a friend but I doubted Tilly wanted to hear the truth.

'Oh yes. Tilly has seen Master Potter today, miss. He did not look too well today though. Not at all. Tilly suggested he get some rest. He said he would if Tilly got him some Butterbeer and pumpkin pies. Tilly did so as fast as she could. She wanted to help Master Potter get better.' I was gripped with more guilt when she said that he had looked unwell. Had I really done it this time without knowing? All this time I had just wanted to dissuade Potter from acting up all the time but I never really wanted cause him pain. Maybe I had. Was that my plan all along? I didn't even know anymore. I wanted him to not like me anymore. I wanted him to leave me alone but I had never wanted him to get hurt.

'Did he say where he was going by any chance?' I knew the odds were slim that he would share information like that but it was worth a shot.

'No, miss. Tilly wishes she had so that she could help you. Here,' Tilly darted about the kitchen grabbing things and placing them in a small basket. 'Take these to Master Potter if you find him. I think they might make him better.'

I looked down at the care package she had given me. It was filled with chocolates and toffees and all kinds of candy. There were two bottles of butterbeer resting atop the sweets.

'Thank you so much, Tilly. If you see James could you tell him I'm looking for him? Or come find me.' I didn't think Potter would come to see me of his own free will so I hoped Tilly would seek me out instead. She nodded her small head at me and smiled as I left.

If Potter had already received food from the kitchens it meant he wouldn't be going back to the Great Hall that night so I ruled that out entirely. He wouldn't be allowed food in the library so there was out too. The last place I had left before resorting to searching the Boy's Dorm was the shores of the lake. I summoned my coat and ventured out into the cold to continue my hunt.

As I walked around the lake I thought about what I would say to Potter if I found him. I couldn't say that I didn't know he had feelings. That would just make it worse. Could I tell him that I never really believed he had any true feelings for me? That I thought I was just another conquest to him. That I had never thought he even cared. That he would realize once he had me that I wasn't what he wanted. That he would make me fall for him and just leave. As far as apologies go that would be a pretty bad one. Saying that I constantly hurt his feelings because I thought he didn't care about me. How selfish can I get?

So there were to problems with my two step plan. My two step plan being 1) Find Potter 2) Apologize. The problems being that I couldn't a) find potter and b) I don't know how to apologize.

Okay. Think in formal. How would you say this if you were writing a letter?

_Dear Potter-_

No. You're saying sorry for hurting him because you didn't think of him as a person before now, calling him by his last name is not going to help you.

_Dear James-_

Better.

_You're an idiot-_

Can we not go ten minutes without insulting him?

_Dear James,_

_You shouldn't have let me think-_

We're not meant to be blaming him. We're being sympathetic.

_Dear James,_

_To be honest with you, before today I took this whole you liking me thing as a big joke. And in a way, I still do. And not to put all the blame on you here, but I thought of it as a joke because you never seemed to treat it as anything but. And until today I never really thought that anything I said to you ever mattered because you never seemed to care. And today was the first time I really thought about how many fights we have and how many things I said that I regret. But today when I saw you something was different. For the first time ever I saw you were hurt by something I did. And it hurt me to see you like that. And I'm not sure why. We've never been exactly what one would call friends but we always do tend to gravitate towards each other. Whether that's because you follow me around or not remains to be seen. But Potions just seemed a little empty without you there. And I overheard the others talking about how upset you were after this morning and it made me realize just how much pain you were hiding that was caused by my own hand. Or words, as it were. _

Alright Lily, this is all going swimmingly but where are the words. The ones we're here for.

_And so, I guess, I'm- I'm sorry. For everything. _

Atta girl. Now we've just got to actually find him. And say the words out loud. Which will probably be harder than it looks.

I looked around as I thought. It was so cold out. I was shivering under all my many layers and I could see my own breath forming clouds in front of me. I decided to go inside. If he was so upset that he was willing to stand outside in that cold then he was beyond any apology I could muster. As I walked through the doors of the castle the warm air hit me and I felt instantly better. I took one last fleeting look outside before the door closed behind me. There was no one there.

It was time. Time to go where no sane man, or woman, had gone before. Well, Jesse had been there a million times but here is where we reinforce **sane**. I walked up the staircases slowly, looking for signs that Potter might not be currently residing in the place within Hogwarts closest to resembling hell. No such signs were found. I arrived at the portrait hole and reluctantly gave the fat lady the password.

Unbeknownst to me I had spent a lot more time in the kitchens and out by the lake than I thought. The fat lady fell asleep after she granted me entry and the common room was alive with Valentines' day frivolity. And when I say frivolity I mean alcohol and couples. Generally a bad mix. Some were dancing, some were kissing, some were going far further than kissing, and some were sitting quietly by the fire. James was nowhere in sight. I figured he would have smelled the alcohol and opportunity for trouble a mile off.

I pushed through the crowd toward the boy's staircase. I had to give myself a small pep talk just to be able to take the first step. But in the end I did it for James. And a little bit for myself. I stormed up the stairs, occasionally two at a time, ready to apologize, ready to take responsibility for what I'd done. I opened the door wide and the knob banged against the wall. Then I realized James wasn't here either.

Instead I found Sirius and Jesse asleep on Sirius' bed. Together. And when I say together I mean together. She had her head nestled into his shoulder and her arm resting on his stomach. At the sound of the ruckus I made while in the process of my grand entrance her hand had gripped onto his shirt. He had one arm around her waist, hugging her to his side, and his other hand resting atop hers.

If I didn't know any better I would say this was a good thing. But I did know better, so it's not. This was going to come back to bite not only Jesse but me as well, later on. But she looked happy for the moment so I left it. As I turned to leave someone else entered the room.

My heart jumped as the door opened, thinking I'd finally found the boy I was looking for, but instead a very tipsy Remus stumbled into the room. Upon seeing me standing in the middle of the room he began speaking quite loudly, convinced, in his intoxicated state, that he was whispering.

'Hey Evannnssss.' He half whispered half shouted. 'What are you in here for? Looking for James, eh?' He wiggled his eyebrows in a manner that would have been suggestive if his drunkenness hadn't screwed it up. Instead his expression seemed to shift from surprised to saddened very rapidly.

His voice had startled the two other occupants of the room and while they didn't wake they shifted around each other. Jesse clung even tighter to Sirius' shirt which caused him to roll onto his side toward her. He wrapped his arms around her back, pulling her close. He curled around her, putting one leg across both of hers and resting his chin on her hair. I obviously had no clue what was going on in either of their dreams but he seemed to be trying to protect her from something. I figured I would never know. Sirius awoke, not even noticing Remus and I were present. He looked down at Jess sleeping peacefully in his arms and smiled before returning to his previous position. He drifted back into sleep as soon as his eyes had closed.

Realizing Remus was still waiting for an answer I turned to him. He was still standing there trying to look suggestive despite the fact that I hadn't been paying attention.

'I'm looking for James. Have you seen him?'

'Not since you done gone and hurt him this morning. Cut him reaaal deep, you did.' I looked down at the floor, guilt returning once more. Remus, still talking, wandered over to his trunk and began attempting to ready himself for bed. 'He likes you, you know that? Of course you know that! He only tells you every day. Silly me. Well I don't know how he puts up with it, honest. Getting turned down all the time. Must care about you a lot. I think he loves you. A little. He loves you a little and likes you a lot. Or maybe he loves you a lot and like you a little?'

He stopped what he was doing and pondered his own pseudo rhetorical question like it was one of life's great mysteries.

'You know who does love you though? Sirius. No wait. That's wrong.' He was now doubled over in laughter at his own mistake. 'Sirius doesn't love you. He loves Jesse. Are you Jesse? No. You're Lily. Jesse's over there. He likes it when she sleeps next to him you know. Don't tell anyone though. Biiiiiiiiiiiig secret.'

I was willing to sit here and listen to Remus spill everyone's secrets but there was something I needed to know. A few things actually.

'Do they sleep like that often?' I asked, curious about the topic at hand.

'All the time. I think he likes her. No wait. I know he likes her. Because he told me so. Duh. Don't tell anyone. Biiiiiiiiiiiig secret.' If it wasn't evident before that Remus was drunk the fact that he was repeating himself made it infinitely clearer.

'If he likes her then why doesn't he do something?' I asked.

'Because he loves her. '

'That doesn't make any sense.'

'Nononononono. Let me finish. Come here.' He sat down on James' bed and I sat next to him. 'He likes her so much that he can't have her. His parents. Yes, his parents. They hate anything but pure bloods. Anything. He's already got a we- I mean, a pal with a wizardless family. That's me. He's got James and his blood traitor family. And whatever Peter is.'

He waved his hand dismissively at the mention of Peter's name. It was clear Peter wasn't one of the main players in the group. He did so much following them around that it always seemed like he got lost somewhere between the Marauders and their fan club. He wasn't really out there enough to be up there with the likes of the other three.

'But if he had a half blood girlfriend. Oh no. He would be disowned. Killed. Killed and then disowned. And even if they didn't disown him they might try to hurt Jesse. Bad people. Bad, bad people. He doesn't want that. He wants to protect her. No matter what it costs. Because he loves her, you see. But don't tell anyone. Big secret.'

I could tell by the fact that Remus' sentences were becoming increasingly shorter that he was either getting drunker just by standing there or he was getting very tired.

'Okay, Remus, that's enough of share time.' I stood up, holding onto Remus' arm, willing him to follow. 'You need to sleep.'

He stood sluggishly but seemed excited about the prospect of rest. 'Mmmmmh sleep.' He mumbled as he lay down in his bed. I tucked him in much like a mother would do to a child and smiled. It was hard to believe that someone so seemingly innocent could become something so terrifying once a month. I guess the same could be said of my female dorm mates but this was different. This wasn't a fault of design but an incurable ailment. I wouldn't say Lycanthropy was a disease really. There isn't really any other word for it.

I'd known about Remus' 'condition' for a while now. I'm not so sure on exact dates but I'd say about a year. To be honest they weren't exactly very secretive about it. I mean sure, people who didn't pay very much attention to their activities wouldn't have noticed. Not to say that I do pay attention to them. It's complicated. But when they talk about Remus' 'furry little problem' all the time and mysteriously disappear every full moon it doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out what they're doing. The most unbelievable part is that the other three go out there with no protection whatsoever. Nothing at all. Just three human boys running around with a werewolf. How are they still alive? I don't even know. The other crazy part is that Remus lets them. Whatever, it's not really my business to pry in but when they get their limbs ripped off by their best friend, I won't be cleaning it up.

He was asleep instantly. That was when I realized I was alone again. I looked back over to Jesse and Sirius and I thought of how right Remus could be. Had we all been so blind? I knew Jesse liked him. A lot. It was beyond obvious. But we'd always assumed that he got over his young school boy crush. Jessie was heartbroken as of course anyone would be. But she had seen it coming. She got over it. She still loved him though. She knew better than anyone how hard staying close to him was. And standing there I thought about how hard it must have been for Sirius. To let her believe that he didn't want her like that. To have to let her go to keep her safe.

The more I thought about it the more this revelation made sense. He always had seemed very protective of her. Really it was hard not to be. She was just so small and fragile looking. But looking back he had gone that step further. I'd spent a whole five minutes standing there contemplating before I realized I was still effectively alone in the boy's dorm. I needed to leave. I needed to think too. But leaving came first.

I left the dorm and entered the common room. My mind wandered back to the whereabouts of my troublesome peer. He had to come back to the Gryffindor Tower at some point. I took up a seat on a couch by the fire, stretched out across the length of it and prepared for a long wait.

I thought back to what Remus had said about Potter. Something he said really bothered me. 'He only tells you every day' I didn't know quite what to make of it because truthfully I'd never once heard potter say 'I like you'. It was always stupid gestures and ultimatums. Bets and dares and all manner of attempts to get me to go on a date with him but never the simple truth. If it even was the truth.

But did it really make a difference? If he had simply said I like you would I have accepted his offers? Was it the boy himself or the way he went about it that gave me no choice but to turn him down?

The questions were spinning in my head. I found my eyes closing without my noticing. I readjusted myself to try and stay awake. It did little to help. I continued drifting in and out of consciousness until I finally gave in. A light, restless sleep was all I managed until I felt a weight being placed on my body, warmth that could not be explained. My eyes fluttered open and a messy haired figure swam into view. James. Without realizing it my thoughts had become public domain.

'James.' I whispered and he looked slightly shocked.

As my vision cleared I saw he was covering me with a blanket. The fire had gone out and the common room was probably freezing by now. Upon seeing I was awake he tried to leave before I regained full function, probably afraid I would yell at him. I grabbed his hand with all the strength I could manage, which in my half asleep state turned out very little, before he could leave. All I could think about was how much I needed to apologize. How much I needed him to stay.

I was beginning to slip into sleep again and I needed to say sorry. I tugged lightly on his arm until he sat next to me. There wasn't much room left with me lying along the entire couch but he managed to find a space next to my waist. I hugged his waist and clung onto his shirt still convinced he was going to leave. He raised his arms in surprise at my actions and slowly let them down, resting his right on my back.

'Lily what's wrong?' He asked quietly, brow furrowed in worry.

'I need to say sorry.' I was having trouble working out words now. Covered in the blanket and surrounded by the warmth of Potter's body I was falling quite quickly into sleep. 'I need to say sorry. I need you to stay so I can say sorry.'

I was so tired I could no longer stave off gravity. My head was resting on his chest before I even noticed I'd moved.

'I'm not going anywhere. What do you need to say sorry for?' He whispered, looking down at me.

'I need to say sorry…' I could only get out half of a sentence before everything around me blurred into darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke the next morning slowly. I knew where I was almost instantly. The fire had been lit again and sitting across from where Potter and I had fallen asleep last night was Sirius.

_Oh god, kill me now._

He smiled smugly when he noticed my awakening.

'Well well well, what have we here?' He was trying his best to hold in laughter as he spoke.

'What time is it?' I sat up slightly, which was a little difficult considering how James was lying.

'It's still only sixish. Plenty of time for you to explain what is going on here.' He gestured to me and James with a flourish.

'Leave me alone, Sirius. It's not like you can talk. I saw you and Jesse last night.' He looked gob smacked. He began opening and closing his mouth like a gasping fish.

'That-That wasn't what it looked like.' He finally managed to blurt out.

'I know it wasn't, which is why you should understand that this,' I gestured to the still sleeping James in mimicry of his previous motion. 'Isn't what it looks like either. Besides, I know you wouldn't go there with Jesse. Not with you trying to protect her and all.'

His face blanched. He looked like he'd seen a ghost.

'Where did you hear about that?' He whispered angrily.

'I have my sources.' I grinned sneakily.

'Remus. That damn bastard. I swear I am never letting him drink again.' He looked up at me, his eyes pleading.

'I won't tell anyone. If and only if, you go back upstairs right now and don't tell anyone what you just witnessed.' I tried to make my voice sound as threatening as possible.

'Dang Lily, you can be devious sometimes.' He tried his best to hide a grin as he stood up. 'Not a soul shall be told about what happened here.'

'And don't you dare go around making up any rumors either. I know where to find you, Black.' I half shouted as he walked up the stairs, chuckling.

I looked down at James, his eyes and face were twitching in a rather humorous way, he was still dreaming despite the half argument Sirius and I had just had. I admired him for his ability to sleep through anything. His hair looked even messier than usual and more natural in a way. I brushed a strand out of his eyes but whisked my hand away quickly once I realized what I was doing.

'Shit.' I whispered to no one. 'Shit shit shit shit shit.'

James arm tightened around my waist as I swore repeatedly. I froze when I felt the movement and my gaze returned to his face. He blinked as he woke and I couldn't help but smile at his dazed expression.

_Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit._

'Hey' I whispered as he began to remember how he came to be in his current situation.

_Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. _

'Hey,' he replied still looking confused 'Am I dreaming?'

_Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit._

'Nope, I'm all here.' I answered his question in the least leading way possible. I knew what he meant. Or at least I think he knew what he meant. I hope I knew what he meant.

_Shit shit shit shi- . Wait, you hope he meant 'Did I just wake up next to Lily Evans, the girl I've been chasing for five and a half years?' You can't hope that. You can't want that. You hate him remember. Yesterday you hated him. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit._

He looked up at me worriedly and raised his hands in surrender.

'Please don't hurt me.' He closed his eyes preparing for the pain and when none came he peeked through one eye keeping the other closed. 'You're not hurting me. You're not hurting me? Why am I not in pain right now?'

'Because I told you to stay.' I stated simply.

'You remember that?' He asked skeptically.

'I remember that.'

He sighed a great sigh of relief and lowered his arms, replacing one to its original position around my waist. I noted that a cold that had gone unnoticed before seemed to be chased away as he did so.

_Shit shit shit shit shit. _

'And as I remember you had something to say to me.' His signature grin returned and I was half pleased and half afraid that he was going back to his normal self.

'Yes. I wanted to say sorry-' His laughter interrupted me. 'What are you laughing at?'

'You. I know you wanted to say sorry, Lils, you only said it five times.' He laughed a little more until I glared at him and he became silent. 'Okay, I'm done now. Do continue.'

He smiled and I threw him another warning glare before continuing.

'-for being so mean to you for so long. I guess I never really saw you as anything more than a joke because you always treated everything like a joke. And I know it's wrong. And I know I should have known better but before yesterday I never really even saw you as a person because you never acted like one. You never showed anything but humor and you just seemed so two-dimensional to me. Until I saw your face yesterday before potions and I realized how wrong I was. And I'm sorry for acting like you didn't have any feelings. I'm sorry for thinking you had no feelings just because I never saw them. It was wrong of me to assume.' The whole time I spoke I looked at his chest, not having the courage to look to his eyes.

He held my chin between his thumb and his forefinger gently, tilting my face to look at him. A tear I didn't know had escaped rolled down my cheek. I still couldn't look him in the eye.

'Hey, look at me. Lils, look at me.' I took a deep breath and allowed my deep green eyes to meet his hazel ones. 'I'll always forgive you, okay?'

I didn't quite know what to say so I merely nodded. He wrapped his arms around me lightly and pulled me down into his embrace. He was still apprehensive, afraid I would change my mind at any second. I could tell by how slowly he was moving. But he was brave. As Gryffindors are.

'Besides, it's half my fault now isn't it? We'll fix this, alright. We'll fix it.' He said soothingly.

'James will you do me a favor?' I asked, not entirely thinking through my next move.

'Anything.' He was now rubbing my shoulder as he answered and I already knew this was going to be a bad idea.

'Even after everything I've done and all the terrible things I've said to you, would you consider consenting to be my friend?' I really did not think this through.

He looked down at me again and I pulled away from him slightly.

'Friends?' he asked curiously.

'Friends?' I asked tentatively as I held out my hand for him to hopefully shake.

'Friends.' He replied decidedly while he slipped his large hand into mine and shook.

'I thought you'd never ask.' He grinned cheekily and I smiled back.

_Shit shit shit shit shit._

'Well, now that we've both got what we want out of this conversation, would you mind if I took a short intermission to use the bathroom?' I looked at how we were sitting when he spoke and noticed that I was effectively stopping him from getting up.

I maneuvered myself so he had room to leave and the perfect opportunity arrived to push him off the couch. He rolled onto the floor with a rather satisfying thud.

'Hey!' His head popped into visibility in an almost comical way. 'That is not friendly behavior.'

'Maybe not but it was rather hilarious.' I responded stifling a laugh. 'Now get out of here.'

He stood up and jokingly stormed off to the boy's staircase. He looked back at me before ascending and sent me a grin. I returned a subtler smile and he continued up the stairs. I was still smiling after he had departed.

_Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit._

And then I realized that, as of thirty seconds ago, James Potter was officially considered my friend.

_Well, balls._


End file.
